ARLINGTON, Va. — The family of decorated Air Force Colonel Tara Lunardi thought the last thing they would be dealing with after she lost her battle with cancer would be bureaucratic red tape. But in the process of trying to lay their loved one to rest, that's all they've encountered, leaving the family deeply grieving.
“It’s when you realize that you’re permanently by yourself -- she’s not coming back from a trip," Tara Lunardi's husband of nearly a decade, Mark Lunardi, said of how he has been processing the loss of his wife.
Mark Lunardi admits, he's still adjusting to his new normal at his home in Dumfries, Virginia. Grief is something he is coping with every day.
“Everybody has that person; I don’t have mine anymore,” he said.
In February of 2024, after a brave battle with colorectal cancer, Tara Lunardi passed away, at 48 years old.
Colonel Lunardi, as she was known, was an active duty officer who served nearly 27 years in the United States Air Force. She was a decorated and well respected leader.
“She loved the Air Force, and she loved her country,” said her mother, Kathleen Unger. “Her career was just amazing, she had so many experiences."
Tara Lunardi served multiple tours around the world, notably serving as a combat commander in Iraq.
“For a long time, she was the only female there, and trying to lead men in combat," Mark Lunardi said. "It’s hard for anybody. They universally loved her.”
Recognized with numerous awards and medals over her nearly three-decade long career in the Air Force, Tara Lunardi's family believed Arlington National Cemetery would be a fitting final resting place. Her husband said the couple had talked about it a few weeks before her death.
“She said 'yes, I think I would like Arlington,'" Mark Lunardi said. "I was typing all of this in a word document ... it says Arlington on it."
But the family ran into a surprise they never saw coming. The Army, which manages Arlington National Cemetery, denied the request for burial.
A Department of Defense document the family knew nothing about prevents Tara Lunardi from being buried at Arlington. It’s called a DD-93 Form, or a record of emergency data. It communicates your wishes to the military should you die or become incapacitated.
At some point, Tara Lunardi filled out this form, stating that she wished to have her ashes spread in California. And this small line, on an incredibly formal piece of paper, has changed everything.
Instead of being laid to rest, the colonel's family has found themselves caught up in what they call bureaucratic red tape.
Mark Lunardi and Unger, both named as contacts on the form, have found themselves tightly tangled in a battle with the Army over where Tara Lunardi's remains can be laid to rest.
“It was the day after she passed on February 8," Unger said of the first time she remembers hearing about the emergency data form. "That morning, I got a call from the mortuary office from the Air Force that said that they were informing me that I was the person in charge of Tara's remains."
Unger said she had no idea the form existed until she and Mark Lunardi tried to arrange a burial at Arlington.
“She reevaluated her final decisions verbally, to several people," Unger said. "And before she died, I don't think she was thinking about any military forms at that time. So we didn't think about anything, either."
Arlington National Cemetery sent the following statement to WUSA9:
“We offer our deepest condolences to the family of United States Air Force Col. Tara Lunardi during this difficult time. Our goal is to handle each family’s request for burial with the utmost care and professionalism while maintaining an environment where every family is treated with dignity and respect.
In accordance with DOD policy, active-duty service members are required to fill out a DD Form 93 “Record of Emergency Data” to designate beneficiaries for certain benefits in the event of their death. Col. Lunardi’s DD Form 93 was signed in the summer of 2023, and her mother was designated as the authority to carry out her written wishes upon her death. This form explicitly stated that Col. Lunardi’s cremated remains were to be scattered at a location other than Arlington National Cemetery.
We advised the family that the Army cannot take an action contradicting the written desires of the deceased. We further stated that a more recent written statement from Col. Lunardi expressing a desire to be interred at Arlington National Cemetery or a court with jurisdiction over Col. Lunardi’s estate could grant the decedent’s mother the authority to alter her daughter’s written wishes. Finally, we shared that Col. Lunardi is eligible for a memorial service and placement of a memorial headstone at Arlington National Cemetery for her honorable service.”
The family said they have repeatedly sought clarification on what kind of court order could help change this decision, and feel they are not being given clear guidance.
WUSA9 reached out to Prince William County Courts, which would have jurisdiction on this matter. The court system advised that the family can only proceed with a lawyer, and they sent WUSA9 a lawyer referral phone number.
Meanwhile, Mark Lunardi feels as though his wife’s burial at Arlington is being denied on a technicality.
“We have an individual who seems to be more interested in being right than in doing the right thing,” he said, referring to the lawyer from the Army General Counsel’s office overseeing this case. “In the worst time of your life, when you’re trying to figure out how your life goes on without the most important person, to have somebody say essentially, well she wasn’t that important. How do you live with that?”
Unger said she understands the formality of the DD-93 form, however says the humanity is missing from all of this.
“When she made that decision, she didn't have all these elements in her life," Unger said of her daughter's wishes. "And now that you're facing life threatening issues and, and looking at leaving this earth and your family is left, things change.”
While Arlington National Cemetery offered to provide a memorial service without an actual burial, the family says that’s simply not enough.
“They did offer a memorial service, which basically is the same thing without her body there,” Unger said. "And to me, that's kind of fake, and if anybody knows Tara, she's not fake.”
Mark Lunardi said he will continue to fight for his wife to be buried at Arlington National Cemetery.
“She’s not here to speak for herself so I’m going to do it,” he said. "If she had died in combat, would they be doing this? I don’t know, maybe they would."
The family said they are actively working to try to obtain a court order so Tara Lunardi can be buried at Arlington. In addition, they have reached out to Congressional representatives for assistance.
“If this is happening to other families, they have my deepest sympathies,” Mark Lunardi said. “It’s unconscionable to denigrate the service of any individual on a technicality.”
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