WASHINGTON — It's time for the Most D.C. Thing. Today, the Most D.C. Thing comes courtesy of local comedian and actor Pete Bergen, who tweeted a gif with the caption "Me waiting for my packages to be delivered so I can go grab them before someone steals them from the front of my building #porchtheft #cityliving."
This is the Most D.C. Thing for sheer accuracy. Anyone who has ever had a package stolen knows this feeling. Depending on where you live, you have to beat porch pirates to the punch and get to your delivery first.
If I have anything of value coming to my place, best believe I'm stalking that UPS truck all day long by any means necessary, looking out the window like Malcolm X. I'm opening the door at the first sight of anyone wearing brown. If I can't get that package delivered to an Amazon drop box, I'm going on stakeout like the police. The police themselves rarely catch package thieves, so like Smokey Bear, only you can prevent your orders getting snatched like a ponytail.
Thanks to Pete Bergen for sending this. Stay safe everyone, and enjoy hitting refresh on your respective tracking apps until your orders arrive.