WASHINGTON — The weekend is here people, and as I’m sure you’ve heard, movies theaters are opening back up. So let me ask you a question: You going?
Buying your tickets online, get the bag you use to carry your bootleg food in from out of the closet, load it up with McDonald's and head to the theater? I don’t know.
Listen, I love going to the movies, that's where I learned everything about relationships, and I miss them, both in fact. But is it worth it?
AMC lowered its ticket prices to 15 cents for their re-opening Thursday, just to get people in the door, with 1920s retro pricing and nostalgic movies.
How about it, did any of you risk it all for Back to The Future? Not me, I watched Blacula at the house.
The chains that are opening are advertising their safety features, like requiring masks. But if we’re being honest, how long do you think the masks are staying on? People can’t or won’t keep them on in the daylight, what’s going to happen in a dark theater? You already know. As soon as the lights go down, those masks are coming off and nose vapor is in the air. Are they going to have a bouncer doing mask checks? What’s going to happen when he tells some Karen to fix her mask? It’s not going to be good. She’s calling the cops, claiming he’s trying to stop her right to breathe freely. Now you missed the scene in Titanic when Jack gets denied from the door there was probably room for three people on. Selfish.
The CDC is recommending six empty seats between theater goers, which is cool, I like some distance, but do you know what’s going to happen when folks start talking to each other, like they do? Whispering is out. Every movie is going to sound like a late night showing at a Magic Johnson theater.
They say they are going to sanitize between each showing, my question is: Who’s doing this? Are they bringing a crew in each time, or is it that high school kid from the ticket booth whose mom won’t go into his bedroom because it smells like Doritos and English Leather. Is that who I’m trusting?
Listen, I respect what the owners are trying to do. I’m all for a return to normalcy and them making a little bit of money, but why don’t we wait on this? I would hate for any of you to be sitting in the theater sharing your popcorn with the coronavirus.
Speaking of waiting, many of you have asked about the Barbershop, the good news is I'm almost ready to debut the new show I teased you with awhile back where i serve up comedy alongside community advocates, shoutout to Easterns Automotive for working with me on that. Just a little while longer... In the meantime, Dolemite isn't going to watch itself.