FLORIDA, USA — We've come to expect nothing less from the phallic shaped peninsula extending into the Atlantic Ocean. If you want to play a game with family over Thanksgiving, consider finding a wacky news headline and asking those gathered around, "did this happen in Florida, or somewhere else?"
The sunshine state has very liberal "sunshine laws" meaning the public and journalists have nearly instant access to mug shots, police reports and surveillance video of high-level nuttiness.
As a result, "Florida Man" headlines spread across the globe at the speed of light. The stories captivate readers who become simultaneously repulsed and attracted to antics that even the most talented Hollywood writers are envious of.
As a frequent poster of "Florida Man" stories to my social media pages, I've noticed an increasing trend of behavior which would seem to strain incredulity and make even those Hollywood writers jealous they didn't think of it first.
In July, I interviewed Logan Hill who wrote an article for the Washington Post titled, "Is it ok to laugh at Florida Man?"
The short answer is no, I will not stop making fun of "Florida Man" and his (or her!) antics. What follows is a collection of the most shared stories on my Facebook page this year related to "Florida Man."
This man told a reporter from Florida Today the Navy should consider dropping ice into the Atlantic Ocean to cool the waters, and therefore impending hurricanes would lose their intensity before they could cause widespread damage.
Sometimes "Florida Man" can't be bothered with appropriate clothing. A clear path to a temporary insanity defense would be to get caught prowling the neighborhood like the man in the above story.
This story started with an arrest for drinking and cycling, and ended up with an X-rated encore in the back of a Florida squad car. Clearly, even stranger things happen in Florida on a Friday the 13th under a full moon.
The stories involving Florida men and their sexual proclivities has become quite an engrossing -- and just plain gross -- line of stories to follow. Stories like this have hopefully kept Floridians from buying used pool toys off Facebook marketplace.
What is also abundantly clear is that "Florida Man" has both a drug problem and a lack of ownership about it. This keeps Florida criminal defense attorneys working in a very lucrative field.
Defying all logic was this man who told jailers that the syringes hidden in his rectal cavity didn't belong to him. If absurdity was a crime, Florida would immediately need to build new prisons.
Chef Boyardee here had the grand idea to try and bake cookies on his George Foreman grill. As his house nearly burned down around him, firefighters arrived and knocked on the door. The man apologized and shut the door in their face.
When a police officer tells you that you have the right to remain silent, it's clear that "Florida Man" doesn't heed that advice.
The prevalence of sharp knives is also something that makes a frequent incursion into the lives of "Florida Man." It's a whole new level, though, when you have a name for your machete.
Florida men have a unique relationship with their mothers. This one went on the warpath when mom wouldn't dress his mannequin.
Finally, in a story that would make the University of Maryland's Testudo mascot jealous, this Florida man threatened to unleash war on humanity with an army of turtles that were under his control.
Follow Adam Longo on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Send him story suggestions or feedback at alongo@wusa9.com
