Care for the Elderly
I got a call from my sister earlier this week. She told me that Mom wasn't doing so well and that I should come visit sooner than later.
Mom is 81 now and she is in a home for Alzheimer and dementia patients. She lost her vision due to macular degeneration and she really can't take care of herself. She was quite ill last year, but managed to pull out of it.
After my dad died just over 6 years ago, Mom moved to be near my sister. They now both live in Birmingham, Alabama.
The last few days have been a little anxious. Waiting for that "phone call" that you dread, but know is inevitable. So far, that call hasn't come, and I was somewhat surprised about the news that did come my way.
On Thursday night, my brother in-law answered when I called my sister. She was busy signing papers with the Hospice people. Thank God for Hospice, a good organization, but you just don't want to need them. They'll be able to offer some extra assistance than the home where my mother is.
On Friday, my sister went to visit Mom and she was able to get Mom to eat and drink some food. Because of the vision impairment, Mom can't really feed herself. But, if you give her finger foods or put food in her mouth, she eats. I know that she isn't the only person at this facility, but she still needs to eat. When my sister isn't there, they bring her to the dining room with the other residents. Mom may not eat much and is way too proud to ask for help, so they think she isn't hungry. She's probably lost 30 pounds in the last couple of years, no doubt to the lack of eating.
My brother in-law and I spoke today. He's a doctor. He went to visit and told me that he was able to get my mom to eat and drink a couple of those nutrition shakes. He got about 1000 calories in her and combined with my sister's efforts, he said that Mom looked better than she has in a year. He speculates that she was malnourished and dehydrated and that's why she looked like she did. He hopes that they can encourage the staff to be more aggressive when it comes to feeding my Mom.
We don't want to move her to a new place because any change at this stage is extra stress, but she does need to be fed better. Are there too many patients for the staff to adequately take care of them? Or are they just not trained well enough? Or do some care takers, doctors included, write off old people way too quickly? After seeing how my father deteriorated in the months before his death, I feel that some care takers do give up on the elderly way too easily.
It's easy for me to speculate since I'm 750 miles away, but when I hear from my family that is there, I start to wonder. I'm going to visit next weekend, but I don't know how much I can really do. I wish I could do more, but other than share this story and encourage you to make sure that your loved ones are being properly cared for, I still search for answers knowing that I may never find them.
Mom is 81 now and she is in a home for Alzheimer and dementia patients. She lost her vision due to macular degeneration and she really can't take care of herself. She was quite ill last year, but managed to pull out of it.
After my dad died just over 6 years ago, Mom moved to be near my sister. They now both live in Birmingham, Alabama.
The last few days have been a little anxious. Waiting for that "phone call" that you dread, but know is inevitable. So far, that call hasn't come, and I was somewhat surprised about the news that did come my way.
On Thursday night, my brother in-law answered when I called my sister. She was busy signing papers with the Hospice people. Thank God for Hospice, a good organization, but you just don't want to need them. They'll be able to offer some extra assistance than the home where my mother is.
On Friday, my sister went to visit Mom and she was able to get Mom to eat and drink some food. Because of the vision impairment, Mom can't really feed herself. But, if you give her finger foods or put food in her mouth, she eats. I know that she isn't the only person at this facility, but she still needs to eat. When my sister isn't there, they bring her to the dining room with the other residents. Mom may not eat much and is way too proud to ask for help, so they think she isn't hungry. She's probably lost 30 pounds in the last couple of years, no doubt to the lack of eating.
My brother in-law and I spoke today. He's a doctor. He went to visit and told me that he was able to get my mom to eat and drink a couple of those nutrition shakes. He got about 1000 calories in her and combined with my sister's efforts, he said that Mom looked better than she has in a year. He speculates that she was malnourished and dehydrated and that's why she looked like she did. He hopes that they can encourage the staff to be more aggressive when it comes to feeding my Mom.
We don't want to move her to a new place because any change at this stage is extra stress, but she does need to be fed better. Are there too many patients for the staff to adequately take care of them? Or are they just not trained well enough? Or do some care takers, doctors included, write off old people way too quickly? After seeing how my father deteriorated in the months before his death, I feel that some care takers do give up on the elderly way too easily.
It's easy for me to speculate since I'm 750 miles away, but when I hear from my family that is there, I start to wonder. I'm going to visit next weekend, but I don't know how much I can really do. I wish I could do more, but other than share this story and encourage you to make sure that your loved ones are being properly cared for, I still search for answers knowing that I may never find them.
posted by Howard Bernstein, 9 Weather Now at
9:05 PM
2 Comments:
Thank you for sharing Howard. I will continue to keep your mom and the fam in my thoughts.
Dear Howard,
I just read your post from January and it is now July.I hope your mother is still with you and your family, and that all of you are doing well through this trying time. My heart goes out to you. I lost my 83 year old grandmother 2 years ago to Alzheimers and it was the hardest thing we, as a family have endured. We put our loved ones in a home when we can no longer provide adiquate care with their rising physical needs. We hope and pray that the people caring for them in our absence will treat them with the love and respect they deserve. I was by my grandmothers side when she passed. Right before she left this earth she told me she saw angels. I could sense that she recognized them and that she was at peace. I feel unbelievably blessed that I was able to share that moment with her. Today I realize how desperately my grandmother wanted me to know what she was seeing, since she had been unable to open her eyes or speak any words for about three days prior and yet, at that moment, she was able to say " I see angels" and then she lovingly sqeezed my hand. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, nor does it matter to me, I just wanted you to know. Perhaps it will bring you the same comfort I felt in knowing My dearly loved "grama" was not going on alone. I am not a very religious person however I do believe in god, and now Angels.
I wish you and yours many years of happiness to come and a lifetime of cherished memories
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