Live AT 5!

Summer is great for just about everything except snow boarding and news. But while the mittens and funny hat are deep in the closet this time of year, we still have to "feed the beast" known as 9News Now at 5. Sometimes the dearth of good material sparks creativity, and the newscast surpasses all expectations. Unfortunately, Wednesday July 25, the day before I was to go on vacation, was not one of those days. Here's how it went down:

4:58. The taped open for 5pm news is cancelled. But nobody tells the anchors. Therefore I'm blathering on to Tracey about some nonsense when suddenly.....We're On! Great.

5:02 . Things are not improving. Dave Statter's sound bites and video somehow didn't make it. So his live shot is just him...standing there... talking. Dave pulls it off 'cause he's a true pro. But I'm sure he'd rather forget it ever happened. We're on a roll!!!

509. We made it to the first break without further incident. But uh-oh, Producer Ben is in my ear --"Derek, we have breaking news. Its your read!" Things are picking up, and only 2 hours 21 minutes to vacation. Yes!

510. Ooookay. Its two senate office buildings evacuated. Which sounds like a big deal...until you read its because of the smell of smoke. Not even real smoke...just the smell of smoke. Somehow I'm thinking this ain't Osama Bin Laden at work.

5:14. Its not Osama. Its not anything. Fire department showed up. Apparently they didn't even smell the smoke.

5:16 Topper and I go outside to do weather. He's got some cool lava video. Good thing, 'cause there is nothing else happening out there today. Even the weather is moving slowly. Welcome to Washington DC in July. 1:46 to vacation and counting.

5:22 CBS news story says your friends help make you fat. If you've got fat friends...you're 57 percent more likely to be obese. Geez!! Don't fat people have enough trouble? Now they get the blame for your love handles too...!? Tracey and I chuckle about it. She loves working with me.

5: 23 Tracey hates working with me. I just stepped all over her read trying to get fancy with an ad lib as we go to break.

5:30p A sure symptom of my impending vacation--I try to distract Topper and perhaps make him laugh by doing a dance and making faces at him as we begin the 4th block with a weather hit. He doesn't fall for it. Damn!

5:31 We go to an Audrey Barnes story about kids and My Space predators and producer Ben tells Tracey, "plenty of time to talk with Audrey." That's producer-speak for we're short on news-- stretch this thing out and eat some time. Hey, its one of those kind of days. Its okay...1:59 and counting to vacation.

5:48 The E block. You know, I used to hate this and think it was a waste but I'm kinda getting into it now. Hey, did you know Jessica Alba has broken up with her boyfriend? Does anyone still say, "Hubba Hubba?" I'm thinking if they do, for sure they are way too old for Jessica Alba...

5:52. Topper does another weather hit and shows video of some crazy man swimming in the artic to demonstrate global warming. I really really really wanna make a joke about 'shrinkage' but I chicken out. Punk.

5: 55 Brett Haber comes up with a story on a 87-year-old guy who swims competitively for a senior team. He's in a speedo. Not Brett. The old dude. And he looks damn good.

5:56. 5pm news is done. 1:34 to vacation. Life is good.

Why Senator Obama Isn't Winning

Okay, Okay. I just relaunched this blog and already I'm talking politics instead of cool behind the scenes TV gabulation. Sorry. After seeing last night's debate someone had to say something.

Ahh Senator Obama, I expected so much from you. Perhaps too much. You see, I hadn't decided who to support in this presidential campaign (and as a journalist I probably won't ever support anyone publicly) but I'd be lying if I didn't say I had a soft spot for the smart Black Senator from Illinois, who promised to bring a different spirit to Washington.
But last night Senator Obama, I realized why Hillary Clinton is still kicking your butt in the polls. In trying so hard to be post-partisan, you're coming off kinda mushy. In other words, you need a shot of 'Straight Talk Espresso.'

For example, when the one Youtube denizen asked the question about whether any of the candidates were prepared to lift the ceiling on Social Security taxes from the current $97,500, here's what you said:

Obama: I think that it is an important option on the table, but the key, in addition to making sure that we don't privatize, because Social Security is that floor beneath none of us can sink.
And we've got to make sure that we preserve Social Security is to do the same thing that Ronald Reagan and Tip O'Neill were able to do back in 1983......blah blah blah......bipartisan.....solution....social secuirty....firm footing.........

In other words, your answer degenerated into a talking point which really said....I don't want to actually commit to anything too specific, because you'll beat me over the head with it later.

That's not crazy, and its about what most of the others said, but it didn't set you apart from them either.

And then when another Youtuber brought up the question about whether our troops are dying in vain in Iraq, host Anderson Cooper had to press you to get a straight answer.

COOPER: To the question of, did the troops -- are the troops dying in vain, though: Yes or no?

OBAMA: I never think that troops, like those who are coming out of The Citadel, who do their mission for their country, are dying in vain. But what I do think is that the civilian leadership and the commander in chief has a responsibility to make sure that they have the plans that are going to allow our troops to succeed in their mission.

Again, its not a bad answer, but the truth is that's a trick question. Why not say so as in... "That's a bit of a trick question, because if I say 'yes' it sounds like I'm insulting the sacrifice of those brave men and women, and I would never do that. But what I would say is that they shouldn't be dead at all because this war shouldn't have been fought and was poorly executed.'

I know from experience its a lot easier to sit back in your living room and come up with the right answers with nothing on the line and no pressure. But that's what they have debate practice for. And its also what the great ones do: accomplish the difficult while making it look easy. Judging from last night Senator, you're very good. But to get elected President, I think you're going to have to be great.

You da man, Topper.

Weather people, as it turns out, have powers beyond those of us regular newsfolk. Not only can they predict the future, which if you think about it is no small thing, they are completely invulnerable to the whims of the beast known as the Teleprompter.

That's right. While the rest of us live or die by the scripts scrolling by, weather people do their thing without a net, so to speak. They just seem to memorize that whole weather spiel, from the current temperatures to the 7 day forecast, to that wierd low pressure system that may or may not bring snow in July. Frankly, I don't know how they do it.

I remember once in the 7pm news we had dangerous thunderstorms breaking out all over, with the possibility of tornados somewhere. We went wall-to-wall weather, which basically means I sat there watching Topper wax on and on about storm stuff.

It was just Topper and the computer for like, 20 minutes with no commercials.

I was blown away, and it had nothing to do with the storm.

He was like an artist, using the Doppler 9000 to zoom in here or moving over there, providing smooth commentary the entire time.

And lets face it...there was really only so much new info and he'd gone through most of it in the first 3 minutes, but Top never seemed to be repeating himself...or even stressed about it. His whole attitude was " I could do this all night." In fact, you thought maybe he wanted to.

Bringing Up Baby

In a way, Anchors are like little kids and the show producer is like the cranky parent. They've got to get us to do the right thing, on time and quite often for reasons that sound a lot like "Because I said so."

You can see this play out every day when Meteorologist-Topper-Shutt goes outside on the 'Weather Terrace' to do the forecast. And by the way those names--Weather Terrace, Weather Center, Satelite Center--totally corny, right? Another blog on that later.

Anyhow, the producer always wants the anchors to join Topper on the Weather Terrace. We never want to go. Who would? Lets face it, that's the great thing about being the 'anchor'. You don't have to go outside in the heat and cold like those other reporter folks. So every day we make it a point to moan and groan --

Anchor one: "It's too hot (or too cold or too humid or too windy) out there. "
Anchor two: "Yeah, my hair will fall down (or wilt or blow off.) "
Anchor one: "I don't even understand why we do this."
Producer: "Look you're going out there, so move it. 45 seconds to air."

So we anchor-children pout our way outside, put on happy-anchor-faces, talk about how "this weather sure is hot. How long will this stay with us Top?" and then pout our way back inside to the AC.

Geez, Dad, you never let us do anything.

Dance Like Nobody's Watching (cause its probably better that way)

I bet you didn't know we've got dancing on the 5pm news. Actually, it's just me that does the dancing--I don't want to give the impression my moves are sanctioned by WUSA or the Gannett Corporation (a more non-dancing bunch I'll bet you'd never find). Anyway I like to throw down during the little bump shots or music breaks when you hear some funked-up version of our ubiquitous theme music playing. (you know--bah-pah-dah-bah-pah, ba-da-pa-da-dah!!) but while you're looking at the (yawn) stock report or the prime time schedule, I'm rocking a wicked Cabbage Patch, or perhaps even 'locking it up' like that guy ReRun from "What's Happening?"

Of course, you'll never get to see this. I've got it perfectly timed so when they come to me on-camera, I'm just standing there with my best anchor smile on.

My biggest fear is that they'll get pissed and bring me up early while I'm in mid-stride on my 'running man.' Or even worse, that they're secretly recording all my moves, and then selling them to Justin Timberlake. I'm jus' sayin...