Sadly Suiting up

Lots of college football players were spending Saturday morning suiting up. I was suiting up too. I buttoned the white shirt, cinched the black tie, and framed it all with a black suit. I was wearing the unofficial uniform of grief.

I'm not that good at funerals, but then again who is? I felt compelled to go to the funeral even though I was breaking the number one etiquette rule of funerals. I had read the rules on line.

Funeral Etiquette
Do's & Don'ts
Don't attend funerals of people you don't know.

So I sat next to my wife at a funeral where I really didn't know the woman who had passed away. She worked with my wife. She did make an impression on me though. I was at a party on August 24Th in Fairfax. I nibbled on the food all the while looking for the dessert table. I have no problem saying I have a gigantic sweet tooth.

The desserts were placed at a table in an adjacent room. I did some searching and found an empty seat at the table. I turned and smiled at the woman seated next to me. I engaged her in conversation.

Me: "You've got the best seat in the house. So which one do you recommend?'

I pointed at the array of desserts. She smiled.

The woman: "I don't know I haven't had any, why don't you try this one and tell me what you think?"

I didn't need much prodding. She gleefully pointed me from one dessert to another. I looked like a ball in a pinball machine. I was bouncing from one cake to the next, tasting each dessert.

We began to talk about real estate, journalism and everything in between. I remember leaving the party telling my wife how much I enjoyed my conversation with her. A few days later Kate told me the woman had told her that she enjoyed her chat with me too.

Less than a month later she was dead. I remember how shocked I was at the news. The bits of information Kate provided me shocked me further. She had taken her own life, there was a note left behind, but no one seemed to know the contents. The conversation we had played out in my mind. It foretold her actions. She had mentioned to me during our chat how lucky my wife was that she could rely on my salary to get by.

She was struggling in a down market trying to eek out a living as a real estate agent. She was obviously having a tough go of it financially. But I didn't think anything of it. Everyone in my wife's profession is unhappy with the state of affairs out there right now. I don't think anyone thought for a minute that she was suicidal. She had a glint in her eye and a smile on her face for most of our conversation.

I know why her death bothers me so much. She's the second person I've known in the last six months to commit suicide. John Winter was a colleague of mine when I worked at WFLA in Tampa. For three years we would sit next to each other on the set, mixing it up, joking around. Lots of times after the newscast I would sit in the weather center just shooting the breeze with him. He was young, appeared to be happy and on top of his game. When he took his own life back in April I was stunned. He too owned that glint in the eye and that infectious smile. Some times you can't see what's beneath that smile. I'm no different than anyone else who crossed his path. Just like the woman at the party, the people who knew her and John will forever be tortured by the questions. The what ifs! If only I had said something or done something differently. Perhaps I could have put down the piece of pie, and reached over and put my hand on that woman's arm and told her "Don't worry the market will turn around."

That's the problem with suicide. The person is gone, but the questions remain. Those left behind will be forever tormented. So if you are ever feeling low or know someone who is...make sure you give them this website. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or this number

1-800-273-TALK. There is help out there.